[Originally written on 05JAN2022]
My goodness, I have been such an impatient person!!!
If you know me, I’m sure you’re nodding your head. Well, I’m here to share what I’ve learned so far about this (not so) subtle tendency of mine, which has sabotaged so much of my life. Impatience isn’t really a thing so much as it is a lack of something. The problem is that if left unchecked, it leads to a lack of everything!
Why don’t people feel heard by me? Because my mind tends to race ahead of them.
Why do I try and force feed my lessons down other people’s throats? Because I haven’t taken the time to listen to their real needs.
Why don’t I feel understood? Because I don’t have the patience to explain myself.
Why am I too emotionally detached? Because I believed that feelings only slow me down.
I could go on and on, but this is a confession – not a pity party.
I have been known to get frustrated in traffic, to be “direct” (putting it nicely here), to send more texts than I receive, to get angry if I have to repeat myself, and to get frustrated with anyone who makes me wait for anything. This has caused me to miss out on so much of what makes life beautiful! I’ve even counseled people not to pray for patience, because whenever I do it’s not long before I am forced to wait.
This is one of the trickier vices for me, so I can’t honestly say “NO MORE,” but I have finally gotten a (loose) grip on it and I have no intention of going back to my (not so) old ways.
Here’s a quick story about one of the many ways I’ve begun to see how impatience has robbed me:
I was working out in the yard a couple of weeks ago, and when I came in, both of my daughters were laying in bed watching their tablets. I went into Rachel’s room, gently took her tablet away from her, and told her “This is only for times that you have nothing better to do, and I want to play with you!” She jumped up, gave me a big hug, and went with me into Hannah’s room (the older sister).
When we did the same thing with Hannah, she got upset and almost began to cry. This really bothered me. How could I get two completely different responses to the same thing?
Then it hit me: she believes I’m too busy for her. A wave of regret washed over me.
You see, I never saw myself as too busy for my own family, and told myself all along that I was just doing my best to love them. But my impatience, borne out in busyness, allowed this subtle lie to enter Hannah’s heart.
And so, through tears, after I had confirmed it with her, I told her “I’m sorry that you ever thought that, and I want to prove to you that I’m NEVER too busy for you.” It took a while, but eventually she came around and we all went out and jumped on the trampoline together. Thank goodness I caught it before she became a teenager!
Of course, I have commitments I need to honor, but I am also committed to taking the time to slow down and explain that in the moment - Instead of my usual steamrolling.
Please, If you catch me falling back into impatience, I give you permission to call me out on it!
Just do it patiently or I might not be able to hear you.